Family Game Night Cullen Style
by TroublesomeTwins
Summary: Uno? Clue? I've Never? Truth or Dare? What could possibly go wrong? Lots. One Shot. R&R please!


**Disclaimer:** We don't own it! Geez people!

We hope you like this story. It was thirteen pages on word! THIRTEEN! Please read and review.

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"Hey! Edward you had better get your vampire but down here or I will send Emmett up!" Alice yelled up to Edward's bedroom.

Edward smiled and chuckled then went over to the stairs, slid down the rail and sat on the couch. Renesmee ran up and launched herself into his lap.

"Can we start with uno?" Renesmee sweetly asked.

"Sure princess. You want to go get the cards?" Edward asked with one eyebrow cocked.

"Sure!" She trilled as she leapt up from Edwards lap, ran away, and came back a moment later.

Renesmee placed the deck of cards on the table and turned around to get back in Edwards lap…

"Mommy! I was sitting there!" Renesmee complained.

"Here." Bella held her arms out and Renesmee sat on Bella who sat on Edward.

"That's very cute and all," Alice laughed "but you are going to have to come sit by the table if you want to play."

So the three of them got up and sat around the table that had been placed in the middle of the Cullen's living room.

"All right… prepare to loss little brother!" Emmett yelled as he pointed a finger at Edward.

"Whatever Emmett, we all know that will never happen." Edward grabbed the cards and passed them out to everyone.

_Ten games of Uno that were all won by Edward and Renesmee later…_

"Darn!" Emmett yelled for the hundredth time "How do you keep wining?"

"I am just better than you!" Renesmee chirped.

She and Edward had ganged up on everyone. People were against it because they were the best at Uno but Renesmee looked ready to kill so they all let it slide.

"Lets play Clue! I can't stand another game of Uno!" Emmett yelled to the group at large.

"All right…" Jasper said. He reached behind him and took out the Clue box.

Everybody looked at him.

"Jasper… Why do you have the Clue box behind you?" Bella asked.

"Because." Jasper left it at that and set up the board.

It ended with Rose being Mrs. Scarlet, Bella being Mrs. White, Alice being Mrs. Peacock with Renesmee (they refused to let Renesmee be with Edward again…) Jasper was Mr. Green, Emmett was Cornel Mustered, and Edward was Professor Plum.

About five minutes into the game Edward grinned and everybody stopped to stare at him.

"Darn it Edward! Last time it at least took you fifteen!" Jasper growled.

"Yes, but Alice is the best at hiding her thoughts… so I usually get stumped by her. Renesmee is easier though, so I got it!" Edward smiled.

Alice suddenly smiled too. "Oh! I know who it is now!" She chirped.

Alice smiled at Bella and she smiled back.

"Oh Edward!" Bella sat in Edward's lap and kissed him. Edward looked confused for a moment but quickly gave in.

A moment was all Alice needed.

"I think it is Mr. Green with the rope in the conservatory!" Alice grabbed the 'confidential' envelope and held the cards out.

Edward glared at Bella but Bella quickly kissed him again so Edward was happy again.

"Hey, look. At least she didn't see her mother and father making out in front of her!" Emmett pointed at Renesmee who was curled up with her head on Alice's lap sleeping.

Bella got up, picked up Renesmee and went running away to put her in bed.

"She is so cute." Edward said.

"Are you talking about Renesmee or Bella?" Jasper asked "'Cause I totally agree that Bella is cute."

Edward growled at Jasper and Jasper's hands flew in the air like the police had caught him.

"Just kidding Edward, I am happily married." Jasper chuckled.

Edward sat back down and then Bella walked in.

"So what to we play now?" Rosalie asked.

"How about I've never?" Emmett said with a smile.

"Yeah! And whoever losses has to do the winners will!" Jasper enthusiastically agreed.

"I'm in." Rose said dryly.

"Yeah, yeah yeah yeah! Alice said as she bounced up and down.

"All right!" Bella agreed.

"I will play." Edward acquiesced.

"Who goes first?" Jasper asked.

"I do!" Alice sang "I've never… had a child."

Edward and Bella each reached over to take a counter… but there wasn't any counters.

"We forgot counters…" Bella stated.

"Oh!" Rose got up and dashed away. A moment later she was back with some beads.

"I had them sitting around!" She exclaimed.

So Bella and Edward each took a bead.

"I've never…" Jasper screwed up his face "Kissed a guy."

Rose, Alice and Bella took one.

"I've never kissed a girl!" Bella exclaimed.

Emmett, Edward, Jasper, Alice and Rose took one.

"Rose? Alice?" Bella asked.

Edward laughed "We dared them too about ten years ago."

"Ah, what a night." Jasper laughed.

"It was my idea!" Emmett quickly back tracked at Rose's look "I mean my fault."

"I've never… made out with someone in a Janitors closet." Edward smiled as everyone but he and Bella took a bead.

"I've never… kissed someone in Edward's Volvo." Rosalie said.

Everyone took a bead but luckily Edward wasn't paying attention to that.

"I've never bitten/been bitten by my love." Emmett smiled.

Bella and Edward took a bead each.

The game continued like that with everyone trying to make Edward and Bella get the most beads. Alice went crazy and had some really weird ones like "I've never thrown a brick at Eddie." Bella thought that nobody would take one (Alice had said a few where nobody had done it) but Emmett and Jasper picked up a bead each.

"Sorry about that Edward." Jasper said.

"The brick is really the only thing that got hurt." Emmett responded with a sheepish grin.

Edward made a strange growling sound at the back of his throat and Jasper and Emmett flinched.

"Well that's all the beads… so who has the most?" Alice trilled.

"I have ninety-two." Emmett announced.

"seventy-three." Rosalie dumped hers back in the bowl.

"eighty-nine." Jasper counted.

"One-hundred and thirty eight." Alice sang.

"Two-hundred and seventeen." Edward said rather glumly.

"Two-hundred and seventeen." Bella said with a frown.

"You guys were trying to get Bella and I though!" Edward accused.

"Yes!" Alice admitted. "But you still lost so you still have to do our bidding!"

"But Eddie and Bella tied!" Emmett pointed out.

"So they both have to do what ever we decide on!" Jasper said with a grin.

Rose, Alice, Jasper and Emmett all huddled and started to discuss what to do to Edward and Bella.

"We should make them go to Walmart and they each have to do something to get kicked out!" Rose sudjested.

"We used that three years ago though!" Emmett complained.

"What if we make them eat a whole human dinner?" Jasper asked.

"But then we would have to listen to them throw all that up later… eeewww!" Alice said.

"Yeah… your right." Rose's nose wrinkled up in disgust.

"We could make them pretend to get mad at each other in front of the whole town!" Jasper sudjested.

"Then Bella has to pretend to flirt with Mike and when he asks her out she has to run away back to Edward!" Alice added onto Jasper's idea.

"YEAH!" Everyone agreed.

Emmett turned around to face Edward and Bella who were sitting on the couch looking very frightened of the other's plan **(I know that Bella and Edward would have heard the plan with their super-vampire hearing… they didn't though because we said they didn't…)**

"You have to go to the middle of town, have a fight with each other, and when Mike tries to flirt with Bella, she has to flirt back. Then Mike will ask her out and she has to run away back to Edward!" Alice summed up in her supper fast vampire talk.

Bella and Edward looked really mad but Jasper made little 'well get to it!' motions so they got up, go in the Volvo and drove to town.

Alice had gathered all the people even though it was ten at night.

Bella and Edward both glared at every one else then started to 'argue'.

"YOU ARE SO CLUTSY!" Edward started, but he didn't really look mad.

"YOU OVERPROTECTIVE SELFISH BOY!" Bella screamed as she pointed at Edward. Edward feigned a look of hurt, but both of them were getting a kick out of this.

Thirty-five minutes and twenty-nine angry sentences later…

"I HATE YOU!" Edward yelled.

"I HATE YOU MORE!" Bella yelled back.

Both stomped off in the other direction of each other. Edward in a northern direction and Bella in whatever direction Mike was standing in.

"So, Mike." Bella twirled her hair around her finger. Edward was trying not to laugh.

"Are you and Cullen still together then?" Mike asked.

"No, I guess not." Bella replied while trying not to look ill.

"So do you want to go out?" Mike asked hopeful.

"NO YOU SICK WIERDO! WHY THE HECK WOULD I DO THAT? EDWARD! I LOVE YOU AGAIN!" Bella yelled as she turned back around.

"I LOVE YOU TOO BELLA!" Edward yelled.

They both ran to the other then Edward picked her up bridal style and carried her to the Volvo.

They drove off leaving Jasper on the ground laughing his head off, Emmett banging his fist against a wall that now looked like it might fall over any second, Rose who was just laughing, and Alice who was pointing at Mike's hurt face and laughing.

_Back at the Cullen household…_

"All right, I have decided what to do." Bella called with a sort of evil smile on her face "Emmett, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare!" Emmett yelled.

"All right I dare you to call some random guy and talk to him for five minutes." Bella said with a smug smile.

"All right!" Emmett whipped out his phone.

"Hey." Emmett said.

We all heard the guy on the other end of the phone. _Other guy…_

"_Ummm… who is this?"_

"Someone… how old are you?"

"_Thirty-five…"_

"I'm about eighty, but I have around a Twenty year old's body!"

"…"

"How old are all of your family members?"

"_My wife is thirty-three and we have ten year old twins…"_

"My father is almost 400 my mother is about ninety something, my brothers are one-hundred and six and about two hundred. Sisters are about one hundred and six ,eighty and nineteen. Oh! The eighty year old sister is my wife! The hundred year old sister is married to my two hundred year old brother and my hundred year old brother is married to the nineteen year old!"

"_What the!"_

"But we all have bodies that range from age seventeen to twenty-six!"

"…"

"Hello? Helloo?"

Emmett hung up and Alice and Edward were rolling on the floor laughing.

"What?" Emmett asked

"The… guy…. passed out… because… of…. you…." Edward managed to get out over his laughter.

"His wife and twins are now getting really frightened." Alice said.

"Oh well!" Emmett shrugged."Alice Truth or Dare?"

Alice pondered it for a moment then replied "Truth. I am frightened of what you would do to me."

"You should be." Edward muttered under his breath. Bella stifled a laugh and nobody but Edward noticed.

"Alice, if you had to be Krazy-Glued to any celebrity, who would it be and why?" Emmett asked

"Johnny Depp, he is so **hot** as a pirate!" Alice exclaimed.

"I know!" Rosalie and Bella replied.

All three boys looked displeased.

"Oh come on I married you right?" Alice told Jasper and flung her arms around him. Jasper chuckled and pulled her onto his lap.

Just then Carlisle and Esme came down the stairs hand-in-hand.

"What are you doing dears?" Esme asked.

"We are playing truth or dare! Wanna join us?" Emmett clarified.

"Ah, no…" Carlisle responded and started inching away in the direction of the door.

"Come on honey it will be fun!" Esme sat down decisively.

Carlisle sat down and sighed in defeat.

Edward and Alice were grinning from ear to ear.

"Edward?" Alice asked.

"Dare." Edward replied.

"I will give it to you in parts. Here is the first part. Take your shirt off!" Alice was grinning and Edward looked frustrated and confused. Alice wasn't letting him in her mind, but he complied. Bella was glad her heart didn't beat anymore and that she couldn't blush.

"What now?" He snapped.

"Get in your car and follow me!" Alice grabbed the keys to her car and ran off. Everybody followed.

_Ten minutes of insane vampire driving later…_

"What now Alice?" Esme asked as Edward crossed his arms and glared at his 'sister'.

"Bella come here." Alice pointed right in front of her.

Bella looked back at Edward who was now smiling. He was catching on now.

"Both of you go up to Lauren's door, knock on it. Then you have to start making out in front of her. Edward you have to unbutton Bella's shirt at least three buttons."

Bella wasn't smiling at all but Edward was very faintly.

"What are you smiling about Edward?" Bella hissed.

"This will hurt Lauren." Edward was grinning even more now.

Bella slapped him.

Both were now standing in front of the door.

Bella sighed and rang the door bell.

The rest of the family watched as Edward and Bella started to make out. Lauren opened the door and stood there dumbfounded for about five minutes as Edward unbuttoned Bella's shirt more than the required three buttons. (if you want to be exact it was seven… there are eight on her shirt.)

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Lauren yelled.

Edward pulled away and put on a very annoyed face.

"Enjoying our selves." He said in a 'well duh' sort of voice.

"Now if you don't mind…" Edward and Bella went back to kissing.

Lauren huffed and slammed the door.

Everybody else started cracking up, even Esme. Edward and Bella were still kissing.

"All right you can stop…" Jasper whispered.

Alice gave a smile and Edward was on his knees yelling "SHUT UP ALICE! THAT'S TOO LOUD! I GET IT!" Bella laughed and pulled him back up. Everyone went back to the cars.

_Ten minutes of insane vampire driving later…_

"That was fun!" Emmett yelled to the house.

Everyone went in and sat back down on the couches.

"Carlisle…" Edward left off.

"Dare… oh!" Carlisle's pager went off and he looked at it. Then he looked relived.

Edward smiled. "Perfect."

"What…" Carlisle was frightened.

"When you are operating on John's liver you have to pretend to lick it. When one of the other doctors asks you what you are doing you have to hiss and say you are a vampire. Do this for forty seconds then straiten up and act normal again. When people stare at you yell 'WHAT?' at them."

Carlisle's face paled if that was even possible…

"Edward no please…"

"This is revenge for nineteen-sixty-three." Edward pointed at him.

Everybody but Bella, Carlisle and Edward burst out laughing.

"That was funny…" Esme trailed off.

"What happened?" Bella asked.

"We aren't allowed to tell anyone because the one time Alice did, well her whole closet disappeared." Jasper explained.

"He took out all her clothes!" Bella gasped.

"No he took out the **whole **closet. Walls and all." Rosalie corrected.

Edward growled. Carlisle gulped then grabbed his car keys. Everyone else did too.

"What are you doing?" Carlisle asked.

"Coming duh! I'm not missing this!" Alice trilled

_One hour later out side the operating room…_

"That was so funny!" Alice squealed as she jumped onto the bench.

"I liked how when you said 'I'm a vampire!' that one dude passed out!" Emmett laughed.

"You actually looked like a vampire too!" Bella said.

"Well I am one…" Carlisle trailed off.

"Yes but most of the time you don't look like you are ready to rip someone's throat out!" Bella exclaimed.

"I liked when you yelled 'WHAT?' and that one doctor's eyes got really big." Rosalie said. "It looked like they were going to pop out of his head!"

"Revenge…" was all Edward had said.

"It was funny dear." Esme commented.

"Great! My wife's on your side!" Carlisle threw his hands up in the air.

_Back in the Cullen's living room…_

"All right…" Carlisle scanned the room.

"Jasper, truth or dare."

"Truth." Jasper said with a strait face.

"What is your most kept secret?" Carlisle asked.

"You all, except Bella, remember me and Alice's first wedding." Jasper looked hesitantly at Alice asking if he could tell. Alice gave a shrug. "We had all ready eloped."

Everyone looked surprised at this except Edward.

Jasper and Alice cocked their heads and looked at Edward.

"You accidentally thought it at the first wedding we were all at…" Edward smiled sheepishly.

Alice shrugged again.

"Rose truth or dare?" Jasper asked.

"Dare." Rose said with satisfaction. She wanted to see something happen and all the truths were boring.

"I dare you to go to Mike's house and pretend to tuck him in bed." Jasper smiled a little.

Rose stood up grabbed her car keys. Like always, everyone did the same.

_In Mike's house with everyone standing in the room…_

"Mike get up so I can tuck you in!" Rose gave a well aimed and no doubt hard kick to Mike's side.

Mike yelled "What the (insert your choice of curse word here)!"

"Like she said she has to said like that!" Emmett said.

"That made no sense." Edward raised one eyebrow.

"You said it right she said you heard I said!" Emmett replied.

"Whatever…" Edward pulled Bella onto his lap **(he was sitting on Mike's desk hoping it breaks with Bella and his combined weights)**

"What are all of you doing in here?" Mike pulled the blanket up higher on him.

"We said Rose dared like that." Emmett said impatiently.

"Is the idiot going to start making sense?" Mike asked.

"No he's not. And I would thank you to not make fun of my husband or I shall kick you again." Rose raised her foot.

"NO!" Mike yelled and cowered under the covers.

"Rose this isn't tucking him in…." Esme said.

"Right." Rose then tucked the blankets around him so that he couldn't move even when he tried.

"Good night fool." Rose kissed his forehead, turned of the lights and walked out the window.

"Night!" Everyone said except Edward who said "I hate you Newton." and did the 'I'm watching you' thing. Then jumped out the window.

_Back at the Cullen house…_

"Bella?"

"Dare."

"Wow," Edward looked at Bella.

"Don't say anything. I think Emmett's insanity is wearing off on me." Bella explained.

Edward shrugged and chuckled.

"You have to let Alice have complete control over your wardrobe and looks for a month." Rose smiled in satisfaction while Alice jumped up and down in excitement.

"But, but…" Bella stuttered.

"Now way that's the dare!" Alice shrieked.

"All right." Bella hung her head. "Esme you're the only one left."

"OH LET ME I HAVE ONE BELLA!" Emmett was shaking Bella so hard she was worried that even in this body it would hurt her.

"All right Emmett, all right!" Bella yelled.

"YES! Esme, truth or dare?" Emmett asked.

"Truth you know I always do that." Esme said.

"Yeah I know. Where is the strangest place you've done it?" Emmett smiled.

Esme looked like she was sick.

"Emmett…" she trailed off threateningly.

"Come on please!" Emmett begged.

"Fine!" She gave a pity glance in Edward's direction. "Edward's piano and car."

"WHAT! I- WE- YOU- NO- I PLAY- WHAT!" Edward yelled and stood up.

"Oh! Us too!" Rosalie smiled.

"Guilty." Alice's small hand shot in the air.

"YOU ALL HATE ME I KNEW IT!" Edward ran off to the Aston Martin after discovering that they were out of cleaning spray. "I am not driving my Volvo until it is clean of you all!" He yelled as he ran out.

"I meant the Aston…" Alice trilled.

_Two hours, five bottles of cleaning spray, and ten worn out towels later…_

"There the piano and the Volvo are clean." Edward said proudly.

Everyone had decided not to tell him about Alice and Jasper in the Aston Martin.

"I still can't believe you guys did it in my car and on my piano…" Edward was interrupted by Renesmee coming in.

"What did they do daddy?" she asked.

"Well-" Emmett was cut off by Edward suddenly grabbing Renesmee and running off at vampire speed.

"So what do we do today?" Jasper asked.

"I think we should go mess with the Walmart in Seattle…"

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We hope you liked it! Next we will do the day at Walmart we think... let us know if you want us to do that. Please tell us if you liked it! Please! Also (if you haven't all ready) check out our other story 'Edward I got you a surprise!' it is another funny one shot. Thanks so much for reading please review!

Jen

Lex


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